3am Ramblings

I never hated you, not even a little bit. Not for what you did, not for what you said, not even for what you chose to omit. I always hated that you were so predictable...

I knew that we were wrong, knew it would and could never work... To make it worse I always knew it was the last time, that there would be no happy ending, that the stars would never align for us..

What I hated the most was the fact that when all the cards were dealt, you failed to surprise me... you chose to follow suit.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Ok ok... let the comparisons begin. lol

Comment null and void due to my having to change the video :/

I haven't had one of these in so long, just looking at this picture is sending my saliva glands into a frenzy...

This summers TO-DO List

1. Get my splits back

2. Learn to play guitar

3. Find a summer-fling that will propose his temporary allegiance to me with a ring pop.

#BAM.

Hanging in Suspension

Before I start ranting again, I'd just like to say, I hate feet.

Anyway I just... happened to be doing some random shit in the middle of the floor and I thought, how long have I been holding this same position? Balancing on one foot, afraid to make my next step... How long have I been surviving in limbo not belonging to any particular school of thought? How long have I been wasting my time in a place that is neither here nor there? And finally, WHY have I stayed?! Why haven't I moved? One foot in front of the other seems so easy when you've got your momentum, but the moment you choose to stand still... all logic fails.

"...career driven to the point of emotional unavailability."

This couldn't be closer to my reality. Smh.

"Can't you see how my heart yearns to misbehave?"

So... I'm bored. And in the midst of all my boredom I began to think, and back track, and reflect, and analyze... and I thought ab the age old question "Why don't you have a boyfriend, girl?!" Instead of giving the usual, long-winded reply of "because I refuse to settle for something I really don't want, and def don't need for the sake of a title," I sat and thought ab the question. Yes, it's probably HIGHLY unusual that I've been in only one (side-eye) relationship and I'm damn near 21, but my standby question is why.do.you.give.a.fuck. No but really, I'm not one to share my demons with everyone that gives me a puzzled stare after I respond, but SHIT.

I admit, I'm afraid of commitment. And for me, that's fine. I don't think you should anchor yourself to anything in life but your family. Only one thing is constant in life, and that is change, so WHY in the hell would I try to begin something concrete and meaningful at such a transitory period?! It took me awhile to figure it out, but it just doesn't make sense! I think it goes back to the age-old mentality that "women of marrying age should be preparing to court, fuck, and live a long monotonous life of submission and service," and I refuse to feed into it.

On the other hand, don't you people in happy and healthy relationships have better things to do than ask me ab my love life? ...oh that's right, you don't, because you're b o r e d. Eventually that shit gets redundant! Right? I mean, it just has to! I'm a planner, over-thinker, and lover of all things structured, but my GOD! Something ab "rooting" myself and another person for a long period of time just turns me right the hell on off. I need adventure, danger, a different face!

Needless to say my views on relationships are a bit unconventional, and the next person that asks me that bum ass question is going to get an ear-full of slightly cynical realism.

I just think this picture is awesome because I almost got bit by a snake today... it was small, and black, and pretty uninteresting compared to these...

Ya he llegado.

...complete with obnoxious hair, a positive outlook, and a shitty temper.

"Well if Eve wouldn't have..."

...if Adam wouldn't have been so damn stupid, we would still be walking around in all of our naked glory. I ponder, is the quest for knowledge more sinful than placing blame? I digress...

“Influence is not influence, It’s simply someone’s idea going through my new mind ”- Basquiat.

...I'm not crying anymore, but I'm damn glad I didn't hear this shit when I was. Onto a more serious note, something ab exaggerated colors, cartoonized locs and beads, and tears just eats away at my soul. The hell thought this was a good visual? So what if most people during this era wee doped up on whatever vice they had, nobody had good sense? Sigh...

[insert clever title that has a deep clandestine meaning]

Shots, punctures, penetration... things of which I have never been a fan, but somehow I'm in love with this needle,

and I'm a fiend for the liquid sin within it. Inject me with your daily dose of lust filled malice, riddle my blood with

forget me nots" so that my heart beats for you, and then fill my head with sugar laced lies so that my mind loathes

you... Inner conflict has become the norm, turning my once sacred temple into little more than a war ravaged shack.

Empty and dark, the soul of an addict, craving that which my stomach can not digest... A love I can neither fathom

nor ignore... An itch in the nether-regions of my heart that I.just.can.not.scratch. My neck cranes and my heart

yearns for your syringe, and as I reached for it, I saw my savior, my blessed assurance, the culmination of sheer

sincerity... A soul ascended from the bowels of simplicity, determined to save me, a poor love drunken harlot, and I

denied him. I refused his soft touch, denounced his desire to care, and laughed at his purity... Instead of the sweet

taste of love and infatuation I preferred the metallic codeine of deceit. I jerked my hand from his grasp and dropped

my gaze. As I reached for my needle, my salvation, he wept. From my lips escaped "just one more time," and I felt

my affliction taking over. I pressed the tip to my skin and exhaled, relinquishing my mind to the torments of this

drug one last time. Instead of the bliss filled reveries of before, I saw a single ball of light, a halo, an angel, my

angel... He looked broken, defeated, yet he smiled. Just knowing that I had found my solace, no matter how

detrimental it was, he smiled. My stoic face relaxed to form a smile and just as it did, the form changed. My mind

went black. One last time I saw the light, only this time something obscured the flame, it was burning something. I

stretched my arm to grasp it, the movement disturbing my trance... Upon opening my eyes, I saw the burnt spoon,

the syringe, and the liquid lust it once contained on the floor, and I thought, was it ever worth the prick?

...you don't have to get it. Just a stream of consciousness type thing, better known as word vomit.