"Everything good needs replacing."

...guilt of the insomniac. Really though, it all makes sense. I can't sleep because of the subconscious blame game I play every night... It's becoming more and more obvious that the only place I can confront my demons is in my dreams. But how do I make it go away?

La Ultima Carta.

The letter that will never be read, the connection that might never be repaired, the tears that will eventually cease. The ink will dry and the pages will yellow; time heals all wounds.

So I've decided what I wanna do for my 22nd birthday... Cali. I've never been west of Arkansas, and it would just be awesome. Like there's no other way to describe that shit. Here's a list of shit I wanna do.

1. Blow trees with Overdoz.

2. Get my nails done at KLEUR

3. Go to In N Out Burger

4. Walk down Rodeo

5. Go to a chill ass house party with random hipsters I met hours before. I'm talking bitches making out in a dry bath tub, green haze, indie music, whimsical outfits.... all'at

6. Rollerblade down a boardwalk in ass-shorts.

7. Go to a concert at the Roxy

...now to find a way to get there without having to resort to solicitation.

"If you let me go, then we both will know the truth is that you never were my friend."

deseos.

I've been eyeing Nikko Gray and the entire ▲❍▼❏ movement for about 3yrs... It's so positive, airy, and refreshing... and this is what I want from the collection.

...I mean, I'm no stickler for Valentine's Day, but it sure would be nice.

The rise and fall, the ebb and flow... I do believe the cycle is complete.

The day that I renounce all logic in favor of emotion is the day that I know that I have officially fucked up.

Today is that day.

I have indeed fucked up.

...I could insert a multitude of witty, sarcastic remarks ab emotion and it's irrelevance, but look where that's gotten me... Yep. *pulls covers over head*

I wish I had her wings...

I can't describe the urge that just came over me. Idk how long I can do this... I would have loved to have a moment like this... with you.

NEW MUSIC! *clap, clap clap, clap*

I couldn't resist the urge. lol. Yeh, but new shit from the likes of Iman Omari [recently discovered spawn of Overdoz], KIN, the jazzment, and Phony Ppl.

So, on the kick drum *come come* go support and download good music.

duality.

...ever been so happy to realize that you've finally accomplished and have all that you could ask for only to have it all go to shit in the next breath? ...oh.

Well you haven't lived until the above has happened. In a matter of approximately 1month 19days, [who's counting] I've managed to forget the deadline for my future, be disappointed that my plan b failed, and irreparably sever one of the most meaningful relationships I've ever had. Ergo, I began to drown myself in self-pity and dark electronica music.

My worse nightmare has come to fruition. I'm stuck in a town where hope is a form of profanity and escape is a name for a loose whore. Woe is fucking me. I can feel my brain cells exploding and my soul decaying... sigh.

I don't know what's worse, realizing that all the planning I've done for the past 3 1/2 yrs has indeed been futile, or having to admit after all this time, that I have been wrong. I've been wrong about all of my perceptions of reality... and I don't know how to handle it.

Cheers to post-graduate existence and the melee that accompanies it.